A Not-So-Holy Heart on Holy Week

Here I am in the middle of Easter week...holy week...and I'm not feeling so holy.  I've spent so much energy trying to make this week about the Lord, and yet my heart feels far from Him.  As much as I've tried to be kind and patient in my dealings with the kids, I have become unkind and impatient.  As much as I've tried to help them set their minds and hearts on Him, encouraging them through His word to practice loving each other, as they have been loved, they seem to be fighting all the more this week.  We are failing...and flailing.  

Oh Lord, I am so aware of my wretched state...of my weakness.  Is this just your way of reminding me of my need for the cross?  In these moments, I often feel so guilty, so unworthy, even condemned.  And then you show me the cross...and my Savior Jesus...who was condemned on my behalf.  He took my guilt and was condemned in my place.  

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Rom. 8:1

By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Rom 8:3-4

My sin was condemned once and for all....and the righteous requirement of the law, that I cannot keep, has been fulfilled once and for all.

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?  Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  It is God who justifies.  Who is to condemn?  Christ Jesus is the one who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.  Rom 8:31-34

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? Rom. 8:35

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 8:38-39

Oh, thank you Jesus!  Even with all my weakness, my failures, my flailings, I am secure in your love.  I am not condemned.  Those whispers of guilt in my ear, those condemning thoughts...they are lies from the devil.  You do not condemn me.  You have made me holy...yes, holy and acceptable to God (Romans 12:1).  This thought reminds me of what I celebrate this week.  My heart rejoices in God my Savior!  It's overwhelming what God has done for me... it makes me want to fall on my knees and cry, and stand with arms raised and sing... all at the same time.  

And this is the song I sing...

How Deep the Father's Love (click link to listen)

by Stuart Townsend

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that left Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom